Monday, 29 August 2011

Pre wedding jitters.

Yes, I've been hitched for six (mostly) happy years. But a recent twitter conversation has reminded me of the terrible pre wedding nightmares I had.

I've decided to record them for posterity here.... Lucky you!

1) hubby and I arrive at church, we are both the size of barbie dolls. We walk down the aisle, trip up and fall through a crack in the floor into the baptismal pool where we have to tread water.

2) I have three hair grips to put my hair up with. I arrive at church where hubby is dancing an Irish jig! He touches my head at which point my hair all falls out.

3) I am waiting in church for hubby, he arrives and his head is the size of a car! He wheels his head down the aisle on a sack truck!

4) all my ex boyfriends turn up, and hubby skips town.

It's a wonder I still married him after all that!

Monday, 22 August 2011

Rather a whinge

My little man is amazing, precious, gorgeous, yadda yadda yadda.

In his almost three years of life not one person (apart from my mom, dad and brothers, who don't count) has told me that Isaac resembles me. One random woman at my gp surgery actually thought I was his childminder rather than his mom!

Certain in-laws and other "friends" go on about it regularly. "Oh, he's just like his daddy" and "even the way he runs around is so like his daddy at that age" or worse than that "he's so sweet natured, just like his daddy."

Am I not even a small part?

Am I just the incubator?

Is my nurture and influence playing no part?

I am his primary care giver but that counts for nothing?

I'm his mother dammit! Half his DNA came from me. The next thing will be that if he's naughty that's like my family. It's not on! I won't take it any more!

Now, this is not intended to be seen as in-law bashing. My in-laws are very lovely if somewhat peculiar. They are simply guilty along with every other person who, knowing my hubby better than me, attributes all of the good in our son to his daddy.

Now for a potted history of yours truly.

All through primary school my teachers loved me. All my school reports will verify this. I was teachers pet, top of the class, friends with everyone, the person who defended those being bullied.

Then I moved to secondary school where the pecking order was very different. I, being sensitive, arty, spiritual, serious and a general "all rounder", did not fit. Bullying ensued, physical till I defended myself, and then psychological. Boys didn't fancy me, I was a late bloomer.

I made some very silly mistakes in my desperation to fit in both at school and in my youth group. These backfired in a spectacular fashion. I began to go into myself and withdraw to escape. But underneath was me, the same, basically nice person.

University was a revelation, like minded people! I was no longer a rarity. It was during this time that I got together with my hubby to be. Unluckily I had been branded as trouble by some of our acquaintances because of a mistake when aged 13 (I said something about someone and lied to cover it up, nothing worse, and it got blown up out of proportion). So, I had an uphill struggle to integrate myself into his family. But, I trust I've lived that down now.

I still rush to defend or help people, I've done it in the street when I've seen trouble or someone hurt. My colleagues (mostly) are glad I'm at work because I work hard and get on with them all.

I guess you can gather from the rambling in this post that really I just need to be liked, for who I am. Even if that comes through comparing my son to me.

I do know that the people important to me all love, understand and like me. I guess I should be happy with that.

Isaac definitely loves his mommy and is always quite happy to wave daddy off to work in the knowledge he has "just mommy" for the day! I spend my days off just like my mom did with me. Answering incessant questions, being followed like he's my shadow, getting wheedled for things, laughing hysterically with him and doing new things to keep him engaged each day.

So even if, through the eyes of the majority he bears no resemblance to me whatsoever, I can see it and that's what matters. That said, I still wish others would too.